Fun Stuff summer 2008

Brain Exercise

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert. The saying: "If you don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain.

Below is a very private way to gage your loss or non-loss of intelligence. So take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still a MENSA candidate.

OK, relax, clear your mind and . . . begin.

Answer the question BEFORE revealing the answer!

1. What do you put in a toaster?

2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk". What do cows drink?

3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a greenhouse made from?

4. Twenty years ago, a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany. Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he has time and the plane crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors - East Germany or West Germany or in "no man's land"?

5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60th of a degree every minute then how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?

6. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?

~~ knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't 'HAVE' THEM, you 'PITCH' them.

~~ can show or point out to you the general direction of 'yonder'

~~ both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash

~~knows that 'fixin' can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb

~~knows that y'all is singular.......all y'all is plural

Bless your hearts...all y'all have a blessed day!

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him, 'How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy.'

He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered his wife, Lizzy, didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.

Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, 'So that's the Ugly thing he's runnin' around with!

Gabriel came to the Lord and said "I have to talk to you.

We have some Texans up here who are causing problems. They're swinging on the pearly gates, my horn is missing, barbecue sauce is all over their robes, their dogs are riding in the chariots, and they're wearing baseball caps and cowboy hats instead of their halos. They refuse to keep the stairway to heaven clean. There are watermelon seeds and pig feet bones all over the place. Some of them are walking around with just one wing."

The Lord said, "Texans are Texans, Gabriel. Heaven is Home to all my children. If you want to know about real problems, call the Devil."

The Devil answered the phone, "Hello? Hold on a minute."

The Devil returned to the phone, "O. K., I'm back. What can I do for you?"

Gabriel replied, "I just want to know what kind of problems you're having down there."

The Devil said, "Hold on again. I need to check on something."

After about 5 minutes the Devil returned to the phone and said, "I'm back. Now what was the question?" Gabriel said, "What kind of problems are you having down there?"

The Devil said, "Man, I don't believe this....Hold on.

"This time the Devil was gone 15 minutes. The Devil returned and said, "I'm sorry, Gabriel, I can't talk right now. Those Texans have put out the fire and are trying to install air-conditioning."

THANK GOODNESS FOR CHAPSTICK!!

The old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff.
"Howdy, stranger..."
"Howdy, Sheriff..."
The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of the horse, lifted its tail and placed a big kiss where the sun don't shine.

He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk and aimed towards the swinging doors of the saloon.
"Hold on, Mister..."
"Sheriff?"
"Did I just see what I think I just saw?"
"Reckon you did, Sheriff...I got me some powerful chapped lips..."
"And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked."
"Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' em."